


It doesn't need saying (but maybe it should)

by grubbies



Series: This is a Love Story [1]
Category: Venom (Comics), Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Catholic Guilt, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mutual Pining, Other, Porn with Feelings, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Smut, but very very mild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-20 21:47:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16563725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grubbies/pseuds/grubbies
Summary: The thing is, Eddie Brock is generally pretty good at rolling with the punches.But this - this is different. Or… maybe it's just the same: if he doesn't think about it too hard, it just feels so right. But that's most of the problem.This is past the line, past a fucking chasm the size of the Marianas Trench (and he can't make it over).I could carry you across





	It doesn't need saying (but maybe it should)

**Author's Note:**

> i went back and forth a lot about symbi's pronouns. I wrote the whole thing w they/them, but figured he/him fit better into the themes here.
> 
> also when I was writing this I used capitalization to distinguish the symbiote's They / He from the plural they / Eddie's he, just for my own organization, but then it fit into the catholic thing really well so i kept it lmao
> 
> update: after a lot of thinking about ~identity~ and ~the self~ I decided to switch this to the version w 'venom' as a name for symbi- im kinda used to the comics but gonna be honest, i do prefer this way, if im making it deep (i am)
> 
>  
> 
> aaaannnnyway here's what I wrote when I was supposed to be working on my final project lmao

* * *

 

 

 

 

Perhaps in another life Eddie would have been embarrassed about a lunch consisting solely of fudge cookies ( _and a pear!_  he’d insisted this morning, despite the Symbiote’s disgust bleeding into his own consciousness), but now he doesn’t think anything of it.

Except that he’s back to work now, and he's collaborating with Wan, who raises an eyebrow as Eddie eats a 6th cookie. Venom is laughing, and it rumbles in the base of his skull.

“This is why you need to start dating again man” Wan chuckles, tone playful, but it’s obvious to Eddie that he means it. “Hey!” and the Symbiote's already suspicious of what the man’s going to suggest. He compels Eddie to eat more chocolate. “I should set you up with my friend!”

And that’s how it begins.

Eddie doesn’t quite understand the answer his mind offers to Wan (it’s somehow both a vehement ‘ _Yes’_ and an aggressive ‘ _No’_ and that’s _without_ the Other’s input) but he apparently nods in agreement.

 

* * *

 

So two days later he finds himself standing in front of the mirror trying to dress himself to meet Laura.

 **_Lyra,_ ** He corrects him, but it’s too smug, almost spiteful, to feel like help.

“Yes, Lyra” he mumbles, pulling the 4th shirt over his head in defeat. His Other's being stubborn, refusing to cooperate for reasons that are, admittedly, pretty obvious (and still no less confusing). Venom's not exactly thrilled about the date, but at the same time… “Can’t you just dress me, Darlin'? I’ve gotten used to it, don’t even remember what shirts I got…” and he can feel His laughter vibrating through his ribs.

 **“Mhmm and what if she wants to take your clothes off?”** He purrs suggestively, presses His head right up against Eddie’s, cheek to cheek, to look in the mirror. Eddie blushes.

“Shut up, Asshole” but he’s, well, almost concerned that the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. It should have, right?

Eddie doesn’t get a chance to linger on _that_ because the blue turtleneck looks good enough, grown-up enough, and it's time to leave.

 

They meet at the drive in, and he parks his bike next to her beat-up, roughly spray-painted jeep. He’d met her a few times before, they share some mutual friends-

_What am I talking about, since when do I have friends…_

**_You have me!_ **

_Fuck off_

Which is about when Eddie realizes he’s been awkwardly silent for an amount of time the length of which he doesn't know but he's sure counts as 'too long', and ends up cracking a corny joke about the gaggle of teens a few cars over. She laughs as she continues setting up the open trunk of the car in preparation for the movie. He's about to comment that there isn’t enough space left for… for Venom? But instead he shakes his head in an attempt to clear it.

They share a burger, and Eddie even, miraculously, manages to convince his Other not to gobble the whole thing up in a bite (though Lyra doesn't manage to get any of the caramel corn). The moon is full overhead. They crack jokes about the bad writing and even worse acting of the film. It is, honestly, going well.

So, naturally, Lyra reaches out and takes his hand in hers.

And then, a few seconds later he feels something ooze out of his skin on his opposite side, and the Symbiote, as He so often does, laces His clawwed fingers in between Eddie’s. Except this time - this time he's on a date, and suddenly the gesture feels… _different_.

He's glad it's dark, because he can't imagine the look on his face as too many different emotions hit him at once. There is, as always, the warmth and affection he feels for his Other half, the casual intimacy at the simple act of holding His hand. But there's anger too, anger that he can't quite understand but is shaped sort of like being made to apologize for something you didn’t do. Had Venom wanted to make him feel bad for being out with her?

His consciousness drips into Eddie’s and he can  _feel_ that that hadn’t been it, that Venom simply wants touch. He just wants to be _close_. Then there's the the confusion and self-hatred as he becomes very aware that he much prefers the sensation on one side of his body, is holding one hand much tighter. He tries to force himself to want her, tries to keep his right hand from going limp as she runs her thumb over his knuckles, but he can't he can't he _can't_. He can't even stop his heart from fluttering when the Symbiote mirrors the gesture.

She turns to him, very clearly trying to make out what he's feeling as he sits stiff and silent beside her. His lip is quivering and the flood of feelings prickle at the corners of his eyes. He thinks he might have choked on a sob at some point, but really he has no idea because the world is suddenly very far away. She pulls her hand away after another minute or so, and the rest of the movie passes mostly in silence.

 

“Sorry, I uhh, got caught up in my own head” he offers sheepishly as they clean up and get ready to, now very obviously, go their separate ways. It isn't really a lie. She smiles softly and scratches her head absent-mindedly. Her buzzcut looks good, and Eddie tries futility to be attracted to her.

“I hope I didn't do anything to-”

“No, no!” God he’s _such an asshole_. _She thinks she’s the one who did something wrong?_  “I've just… been in a weird place lately.”Lyra nods as she pulls on a thick sweater.

“See you around, Eddie” and he knows he's supposed to feel disappointed that that probability isn't true, but he just feels tired and relieved that he can go home. That _they_ can go home, together. 

 **_Together, Eddie. Together together together together together home home home together,_  **and Eddie can still feel Him, palm to enormous palm, on the hand he has stuffed in his pocket.

 

They don't talk about it - not on the way home, not even as they lay wrapped around each other on the cheap twin bed. They don't talk about it but they sure do _feel_ about it. It’s a conversation that can only be communicated in increased heartbeats and in colors Eddie can't name and in the taste of _us,_ not the word but the very idea _._

 

* * *

 

He doesn't understand what happened when, Monday morning, Wan says “I've got another date set up for you, if you're down? ”, and he _certainly_ doesn't understand the somersault his stomach does. Doesn't understand if it's good or bad or if it's even his reaction.

 

So now somehow it's Wednesday and it’s date number two and he's meeting Judah for coffee. Well, for a coffee and a hot chocolate.

Venom stares through his eyes at the man across that table from them. The Symbiote doesn't  _quite_ understand why He hates this guy so much, but, well, He gets it much more than stupid, stupid Eddie does.

 _Hey!_ And he’s clearly putting as much work as one can, while maintaining a conversation, into making his thoughts sound angry. _If I'm so stupid, then just tell me your problem!_ But instead He just borrows his hands to bring them more cocoa.

He listens as Eddie ( ** _perfect Eddie, not stupid, perfect_ **, He assures him) talks to Judah, who apparently saves children from fires like some-kind of knight. They talk about food and the weather and then about serious topics that Venom has come to understand but resents the complexities of.

They talk about how the weather's _changing_ (worry hits Him like a ton of bricks but then it's gone, too quickly maybe. **_Eddie, should we do something? About the sea? The heat?_ **

_We can't,_ Eddie thinks, but then they realize that  _together_ maybe they can.

 _ **We can do anything together.**_ )

They talk about money (Carlton Drake and their monthly heating bill have taught Him about capitalism, but hierarchy isn't new. He wishes it was).

They talk about being gay (Venom is especially confused that this one, but He knows Eddie's memories of Sunday school as a child and He knows even more the feeling of being mocked and tortured and hated for just wanting another. He knows the way people glance over and their table and the strange guilt and self-hatred and disgust that washes over them heavy when they wake of from dreams where they’re _together -_ )

Eddie visibly winces at that. He knows The Symbiote knows, or at least can feel it, but he just…  He won’t think about it, won’t let it stay in their mind too long, where it's open and on display. They certainly don’t talk about it.

 **_Well we still aren’t technically talking about it._ ** Eddie tries to send a growl back in return, but he can feel himself blushing now, and tries to blame it on the hot drink. Eventually the Other cools his cheeks and slows his blood, but only after **_See how much you need me?_ **

 

The sun is setting, and Judah smiles in a way that Eddie knows he's supposed to be attracted to but for some reason isn’t. “You wanna do this again sometime?” he asks, and Eddie doesn’t understand why it knocks the wind out of him.

A voice in his head that isn’t his own but isn’t really his Other’s says _you aren’t into him_ and then one that really really _is_ His says, **_You want something more than human_ ** and He tries to make it sound all smug and seductive, but instead it's so genuine and all of a sudden Eddie can’t even _think_.

He struggles to breath for what feels like an eternity until the Symbiote rights them both.

“I dunno what Wan told you, but I ain’t really lookin’ for a - a… relationship right now…” and for a second the Symbiote thinks He made Eddie say it without knowing it, but then they both realize it was all him.

 

* * *

 

Saturday night Eddie sets an alarm for six in the morning. Then turns it off. Then, a few minutes later, sets it again.

 **_Why? Never get any writing done before noon anyway…_ **and sends memories to prove it.

Eddie swallows, afraid to answer, even if he’s already getting the emotions that tell him Venom’s aware of his reasoning. “I… I might go to church in the morning. Confession, or something…”

 

The Symbiote holds him tighter than normal that night, and waits until Eddie’s asleep to turn off his alarm.

It’s clear he notices in the morning when he wakes, slowly, lazily, around 8:33, but he smiles and sends something along the lines of _thanks_ but more grateful and more abstract  and less… open.

 

* * *

 

 **“I could take us on a date, Eddie”** He offers, masking sincerity under a thick, thick layer of confidence.

Eddie freezes, just stares ahead at the door as he fiddles with the lock. Eventually he manages “We’re not… boyfriends… or whatever” but the words feel hollow.

 

* * *

 

That night they end up stalking around the house of some silicon valley giant. **_Hungry..._ **Venom vibrates through Eddie’s ribcage, and he finds himself trying not to smile. He can't help it - it's... it's endearing. Every single thing about his Symbiote is endearing, it seems. 

“We’re just tyin’ to investigate for a case, dear” but it isn’t like he doesn't feel it too, as much as he hates himself for it.

 

So it’s only maybe an hour before the guards are knocked out (two of them probably won’t wake up), before the security cameras and autonomous drones are disabled, before they stand over the bloody body of the technocrat. Venom let’s His form melt, wash down him and expose skin and feeling. Eddie, exhausted, leans against the wall for support. He hovers, inky, smokey, half-formed around him, and begins to eat. (Eddie won’t let himself think about the fact that it’s a gorgeous evening and they’re sharing a meal and and sharing thi - he won’t let himself think about it).

Then he finds himself staring into those bottomless, inhuman, almost Godlike ( _oh fuck, where did that come from?)_ eyes. Venom grins wider than ever, teeth dripping red, and rubs His face up against his. Eddie shivers.

**“Have a bite”**

 

* * *

 

Dates numbers three through six go by pretty uneventfully.

It’s seven where things rapidly start devolving.

 

 **_Why do we keep doing this? We don't like it…_ ** and it’s not like Eddie could deny that. But as much as this whole mess is sort of like an aching, dull pain, thinking about the implications of _stopping,_ of _wanting_ to stop, that sounds like a fucking nightmare.

All he can manage to answer is “because it’s… it’s the thing to do…”

 ** _Eddie. You know how this ends up, Eddie,_ ** and the air suddenly feels warmer. Or colder. Or smaller? They’re outside, taking a shortcut through the park, but it somehow feels like.. like _the walls_ just got closer together.

 _Oh yeah? How does it end up?_ And he tries to sound joking, but somehow even in his head his voice waivers, breaks into fragments.

 **_It ends up like you and me, together. Us, just us._ ** He swallows. **_You keep putting up this little show, but Eddie… Eddie it's all nothing._ ** His head is spinning, and he’s pretty sure the only thing keeping his heart beating is a clawed black hand squeezing it rhythmically. **_Besides,_ ** and fuck, could Venom’s voice be any deeper? **_We’re complete, Eddie. Don’t need anyone but us don't need anything but us. We can give each other everything. We can -_ **

“Eddie!” Lucas calls, smile on his face, from a table in front of the restaurant. He snaps out of the trance, at least enough to be aware of how far under he was, to realize he has absolutely no idea how he got here.

 

It's actually their second time out together - they'd gotten breakfast the other day, and somehow (probably having to do with the fact that _someone_ was still tired at the time) he'd managed to not fuck it up. Lucas is a journalist too, writes mostly about politics and laws. Still, Eddie can barely manage to hold a conversation. Actually, that's being generous, because now they find themselves sitting across from one another and pretending to read the dessert menu in silence for at least the 86th consecutive second (Venom’s counting).

 _Cut it out!_ And he tries to be angry, but the thought comes through dripping with affection and humor and soap-bubbles.

Eddie wants, wants really badly, to care how this date goes. Because Lucas is a nice guy, and they have a lot in common, and his long dreads look really good. But before he knows it they have the check and he's mumbling something about having an early morning and then they're saying goodbyes. It all barely even registers. He's still caught up on ‘ **_We’re complete’_ **.

 

Again they don't say anything about it, but the whole evening bristles between them. Eddie’s jaw still feels slack and his mind is still fuzzy as they open the door to the apartment. They should shower, maybe get some work done. But they're both exhausted and Eddie can barely convince Him to hold them up long enough to brush his teeth before stripping down into boxers and falling onto the mattress.

Then -

 **_It's time for bed,_ **the words feel molten on his skin.

The Symbiote has formed over him, at once liquid and solid, pushing at him in a way that's adjacent to intimidating but isn't. Eddie's guts twist around and he's pretty sure he bites his lip. He props himself up slightly, limbs weak, as Venom grins down at him, all those sharp teeth…

“Hey big guy” he slurs, tongue and lips heavy. Everything feels dreamlike, foggy.

 **“Eeeddiie”** His voice is guttural, he feels it in his bones, in his heart. Venom’s hand strokes his cheek and he can't help but lean into it. Maybe this _is_ how it’s supposed to end up…

Then they’re closer, closer, and he's already opened his mouth, if unconsciously.

They'd kissed before, casual and affectionate; sometimes he'd press his lips lazily to His inky, shifting form as they lay on the couch watching TV, or Venom’d run His tongue over Eddie’s cheek to wake him up on a rainy morning, or they're rub their noses (or one nose and one strange, alien face) together, smiling, as they share a (ridiculously sized, chocolatey) meal. But this is different. It's different, too, from that kiss they’d shared in the woods. He couldn’t, in good faith, blame that on Anne’s presence, but still, it was different. That was rough and aggressively sexual, desperate, like breathing in air after too many moments under the water.

This time though- this time it’s so fucking tender. He moans, softly, despite himself, and Venom brushes away something that might be a tear before he has time to think to deeply about it.

Eddie pulls away after enough time not to be sure whether or not he’s been breathing. He stares up, searching the Symbiote’s eyes but not knowing what he’s looking for. “We… can’t…” and his voice is a broken whisper.

He doesn’t reply, but the feeling is there; the feeling of **_We can do whatever we want,_ ** or **_no such thing as can’t._ ** Slowly, He loses His form, sinking into His Other’s skin, washing over him like the crest of a wave. He falls back onto the mattress and tendrils wrap around him, soft and safe like a sanctuary, but it doesn’t feel like normal. His pulse won’t calm down and his breath keeps catching in his throat. Eddie wants to speak, if not out loud at least in their shared headspace, but everything is muddled, like there isn’t a single right word. 

 

He wakes, hours later, heart still beating like a drum, the moon shining bright through the cheap blinds. Venom’s awake, he can feel Him - a little restless and coiled tight around him.

“Why did you kiss me?” he whispers into the night.

It hangs in the air for a moment before He answers, softly but matter-of-factly, **“I wanted to”,** and then after a pause, **“and you wanted to. So we did”**

And that's all there is to it. Eddie has _should_ and _shouldn't_ where Venom just has _want_ and _don’t want._ Eddie has _wrong_ and _right_ and He just has _feel_.

 **_Why do you have to make everything hard?_ **And it’s such an honest question…

“The world isn’t that simple”. He wants to sound stoic but his voice betrays him.

 **“Could be”** And the Symbiote’s hand holds his tight, insistent. **“Our world is just us. Whatever we want it to be”**

Eddie’s not sure why his stomach suddenly feels like lead.

 

In the morning he wakes up to waffles and a messy kitchen. Any troubles in his head melt away at the too-sugary, burnt flavor (they’re still better than when he tries to make even something so simple from scratch).

After an early grocery run, they spend the day writing. Or, Eddie does. Venom just preens in the sun. They lay together on the couch, limbs wrapped in not-quite limbs, hands holding claws. Everything's happy and gentle but then suddenly he’s so stiff, momentarily acutely aware of the fact that this is _cuddling_ and _intimacy_ and…

He tries to shake the thoughts away but they cling, abstract and untamed.

 

* * *

 

The thing is, Eddie Brock is generally pretty good at rolling with the punches. He never even thought about the absurdity of their situation, just happily fell into their new normal. When he started waking up in Venom’s embrace, he just snuggled closer. The first time he called his alien 'sweetheart' he didn't even notice, at least not until he felt the warm creeping glow of His response.

But this - this is different. Or… maybe it's just the same: if he doesn't think about it too hard, it just feels so _right._ But that's most of the problem.

This is past the line, past a fucking chasm the size of the Marianas Trench (and he can't make it over).

**_I could carry you across._ **

It blindsides him, knocks the wind out of him.

And then before he can process even a shred of what he feels, the Symbiote sends an image of Himself, with Eddie tucked under His arm like a doll, leaping across a canyon as if on a Saturday morning cartoon. They burst out in two-toned, uncontrollable laughter.

 

* * *

 

It’s number eight that night. Anne set it up, so he has to go.

**_Or else we wouldn’t, right?_ **

But Eddie can’t answer, won’t even let himself think about it out of fear his thoughts would give him away.

 **_“_** **We look nice, Eddie…”** as he fiddles with his leather jacket. He stares at the rosary around his neck, before tucking it into his shirt.

 

Kai’s a professor of literature ( ** _Of writing_** ) - yeah yeah, of writing, at Berkeley. She’s got piercings in her lip and bright blue hair, but she feels so put together, and so he feels insecure.

 

It leaves a bad taste in Venom’s mouth. All of Eddie is perfect, from his perfect heart to the perfect scar on his thumb from learning to ride a bike. From the perfect way his thoughts lay scattered, messy around his brain to the perfect way his heart tastes when they're all alone together. All of Eddie is perfect but still, He couldn't get Himself to like the feeling, like wet socks and pins and needles, of his self-hatred, of something He can't name but is shaped like a cathedral and like _unlove._ **_You write too, Eddie,_ **He insists.

“Yeah… I know” and then he gulps when he realizes he said it out loud. “I uhhh… I know how hard this kinda work can be” and he’s glad for the buzz of the bar and the constant distraction it brings.

The Symbiote hates it here; it’s filled with loud noises that put Him on edge and sweaty, warm people who smell like flesh but who He knows He can’t eat. Or knows He shouldn't, at least. Kai seems kind, but then she’s leaning to close to Eddie ( **_Mine! All mine! All mine mine mine!_  **He whines protectively in his head and Eddie presses his fingernails into his palms).

 

He puts on the best show he can of enjoying the night. He tries to pay attention, cracks jokes. His other half is aggressively silent, but he recognizes the deep purple color that pushes at the margins of his vision, that he feels in his stomach and spine, as His distress. He recognizes the way his palms sweat and his heart races as his own.

Eddie’s determined to be attracted to her. _Determined_ to prove the Symbiote wrong, even if he isn’t conscious of that reasoning. Her hands start dancing up his chest, one finding its way to rest on his neck, and he forces himself to relax, begs Venom to calm his thudding heart. Her lips press against his and the way last night sticks like molasses in his brain only proves the fact that he _has_ to be attracted to her, or else…

He’s pressed into the corner of the booth in a sort-of _domination_ way that he can reasonably convince himself arouses him. It certainly has, and if he doesn’t think to hard the past can be the same as the present, right? Muscle memory, or something?

Then Kai’s standing, and she pulls him to his feet like he’s a fucking ragdoll (it’s a familiar feeling now, though, and he doesn’t even notice). “You wanna get out of here?” she whispers in his ear, nipping him playfully ( _except her teeth aren’t sharp enough,_ flits through his head, gone as fast as it comes but _fuck_ does it leave an impact).

He just nods, knows that if he opens his mouth all that would come out is ‘no’.

She only lives a few blocks away and before Eddie knows it his back is up against her kitchen door. Her lips trail down his neck and he manages to remember to moan, only after he's been silent for too long. He goes through the motions, hands brushing her nipples and fondling her.

Then she finds the zipper of his pants. Eddie's never been conscious of being soft before, but now he is very, very aware of that fact that his cock is distinctly not hard. He wills it to be, prays.

And maybe it's cruel irony, when the Symbiote growls, gloatingly, right into his mind, vibrates through his ribcage, **_What’s wrong?_ **And oh, that does the trick.

Does it too well, because suddenly He won't shut up. **_Maybe I'm the answer to your prayers Eddie._ ** He swallows, mouth dry. **_Maybe you were praying to me._ **

Eddie tries to ignore Him, tries to like the feeling of her hand wrapped around his now _rock_ hard dick, but who's he fooling?

Her top is off and she's stroking him and then-

“We shou-" he stutters, corrects himself, "I uhh, I think I should go…” the words fall, emotionless, out of his mouth. He doesn’t even fully realize he'd said them. The room is deafeningly silent. It's awkward, and something else too, something that has a kind-of burnt plastic smell.

“Oh… OK…? ” he can tell she's embarrassed or offended or disappointed or just confused. But the world feels like it's in grayscale or like it's a memory or a story someone told him days ago.

 

Eddie's only half aware of the walk back to the bar and of the ride to the apartment and everything other than the feelings that well up his throat.

But then they’re home. Then there’s nothing to try to focus on but what is right here between them. The night lingers, like the remnants of a dream, just enough to remind him that -

**_“_** **See Eddie? You don't want anyone else”**

He tries to argue, but his mouth is treacherous, just falls open, tongue wet and licking over his lips as he stares up at the Symbiote’s face. He's all heart and feeling and instinct again, and calm and logic are distant things pushed to the margins of his mind. Eddie stops overthinking, just for a moment.

“Yeah, you’re right” he murmurs, before leaning into the kiss. This time his back is against _their_ kitchen door and he’s certainly not soft, but reason catches up with him and argues, angrily, that he should be.

The Other shoes reason away.

Venom’s tongue is down his throat now and he’s choking, gagging, desperate. His hips buck involuntarily and then the whole world tastes like melted chocolate.

They’re holding hands again, except this time it isn’t absent minded, not neuron-to-neuron connection made physical for no reason at all but to _touch._  This time the Symbiote’s pressing Eddie’s hands back against the wall in a pose that remind him of surrender. _Fuck_.

But then His tongue leaves his mouth, and the vacuum in his head gives enough space for reason to come back, again, ever-persistent.

It’s all been happening like so many things do between them. Thoughtless, simple, just _togetherness_ taking over. There was nothing to question because it’s right it’s always right of course it’s right it’s right it’s right _we're complete we're whole we're together it's right_ …

But Eddie forces himself to stop and think and-

“Oh God this is so messed up”

 **_We belong together, Eddie. We’re made to be together. We._ ** And then He pushes their lips together again, and maybe Eddie protests or maybe he just shivers. Venom can feel his want, feel his longing reaching out, begging. _**Why fight it?**_ And Eddie’s head feels full of cotton. _**Could stop, you could say no. Tonight. But eventually we’ll give in, Eddie. Eddie.**_ His cock is swollen, sore, and the world feels slow like rolling lava and frantic like everything running to escape it. **_Come on, Eddie. Eddie, just give in. Eddie, Eddie. Eddie, give in. Eddie, be ours Eddie. Be mine._**

Oh _Fuck_ that sounds so good…

But that voice in his head is there, too, and it connives him, widdles him down, makes his lungs feel rough and dry, makes him think _we shouldn’t._

**_But we want to._ **

_Yeah, we do…_

And Eddie tries half-heartedly - tries “isn’t it wrong?” and then tries _You don’t really want me_ and even, again, “We can’t” - Venom has an answer to all of them.

And then his hands are limp and pliant as the Symbiote keeps them, bound, holding too tight, and His tongue rolls over his neck and collarbone and chest and Eddie settles on “Just this once…” but they can both taste the lemon-peel flavor of the lie.

It’s permission enough. Venom pushes him harder against the door and he moans, certainly enough for a neighbor to hear, but he doesn’t think about that, can’t, because then they’re the the only two people in the whole universe. The world begins and ends at what they can feel. His tongue curls around Eddie’s neck, tighter, tighter, tighter, and his eyelids are heavy and he forgets about vision and seeing and knowing for just a second.

_Like it should be._

Everything is so  _sweet_. Amorphous pleasure there is no earthly word for spilling into every little corner of them, and right now, there isn't any room to question. No room for shame. Just breathless little whines and deep, deep purring. 

Eventually He lets up, wants to watch His Other try to claw his consciousness back, maybe out of curiosity, or maybe because He already knows he’ll submit again, immediately, always. Venom even loosens His grip on his wrists, and one hand falls to touch Him.

It takes aching seconds for Eddie’s lungs to fill, for his words to work, but when they do he just begs, hazily, voice tired, “Kiss me again?”

_**Mine. Mine mine mine.** _

Venom learned early on, well before earth, about _nerves_ and _senses._ Here He found pleasure; at first He knew only second-hand, shared Eddies sensations. And it would have been enough. But then He learned more, learned how to build Himself His own nervous system, how to feel for Himself. He doesn't do it always, not when they're fighting of course. But when they sit together in a field and feel the breeze, when Eddie runs his fingers over His tendrils, when he kisses His cheek good-night, He wants to feel it. But this, Venom thinks this was what nerves must be _made for_ : The feeling of Eddie’s tongue against His, crushed against the side of his mouth in submission. The feeling of a calloused thumb caressing His cheek.

But even skin-and-sensation type feelings, as good as they are, are nothing compared to what they feel in their connection, _pleasure_ and **_want_ ** flowing, liquid, over their bond.

Eddie is drowning in it now, in arousal. He feels like he’s been dipped in a vat of it, can’t think right and doesn’t want to. At some point his clothes were ripped from him, and now inky, rolling darkness is everywhere.

It isn’t quite _sex_ , not the human idea of it at least, but it’s the Symbiote’s and it’s his and so it’s _right._

Venom's greedy and impatient. Presses into him then. Firmly, slow as He can manage. A broken little moan is choked out of Eddie's constricted throat and He tries to be gentler but it’s hard, it’s so _hard_ not to give him everything. Eddie’s cheeks are red and his eyes are foggy from desperation. The Symbiote seethes down his cock, hot and tight and he jerks at the feeling. At the pleasure and the pain and the intoxicating feeling of helplessness, of being ruined and defiled. Eddie tries to thrust, to move, to do anything, but He contorts his body more, moves him how He wants, and if Eddie had a conscious brain it would be busy begging him not to whimper at the way he’s given up any semblance of control.

The feeling is everywhere now; shifting, thrusting around in his guts, pushing at his heart. And then it’s in his feelings too, in his thoughts and then like his very existence is being penetrated. The emotions, sticky-sweet sensations, some mix of  ** _sex_ ** and **_consumption_** , fill them up. It overwhelms, until there is no boundary between them, no borders, no thoughts even, just _together._ Venom twists around Eddie’s nerve-endings, fucks His way into every crevice He can find, both real and metaphysical. He thinks, at the margins of His mind, that this must the 'heaven' that He’s heard about from Eddie’s memories.

Pleasure and bliss wash between them like the sea during a storm. The real world, the physical acts, fade and become less and less real until it’s just their hearts, pressed together, and then the white-hot crashing wave of an orgasm shared between them.

 

The night is easy. They lay in bed an kiss all over. Cuddled up close, hearts pressed together, and this time Eddie doesn't worry about it being  _wrong_. Like this, alone together, it's like a sanctuary from the rest of the world.  

Venom clutches him tight, maybe too tight, but they  _need_ to. They can't - He doesn't know how to - they need to be  _close_. There is so much evil in the world, but right now, they're _safe_. Venom could keep him safe, keep him like this always, if he’d just _let_ Him. 

* * *

 

Ava, who wears all black and smells like flowers calls him back in the morning, asks him on another date. Eddie’s mind is drowsy and dreamy and he doesn’t think about how rude it is when all he manages is “no” before hanging up.

 

* * *

 

Two days later it happens again. It’s been a long day, a long long day of blood and bones and and saving women from husbands. _The world is cruel._

It’s been a long day but now they’re in bed together. Now Eddie lays on his side and gazes longingly at Him. Mostly he looks into the Symbiote’s eyes, but then sometimes his gaze will flicker to His mouth, His teeth. Eddie’s cheeks are red and his heart is like a ball of yarn, untangling, coming undone… Venom thinks, if He pulls just right, He could - 

“Hey” Eddie whispers, voice all breath and no sound.

 **“Hey”** and He doesn’t need to pull because Eddie is already there, heart unraveled, messy and erratic inside of him as Venom pushes him over onto his back. His eyes flutter closed but he can still see the Other. He can always see Him, always see the shape of His form, boundless as it is, see the erratic vibration of Venom’s not-a-heart, see His aura, iridescent and dark.

He sends _pleasure_ and _desire_ and _lust_ and the Symbiote shivers at the feelings - at the overwhelming reality that He finally has _this._ An Other to complete Him, someone all to Himself. Before Venom knows it He’s stroking him but neither are sure if it’s real or just the feeling, just the manipulation of one another’s senses. Neither are sure it matters.

The symbiote wants this so much He can’t understand it. It’s a bottomless, insatiable want.

**_Mine, Eddie. All mine. All for me. Mine. Eddie Eddie mine Eddie. Eddie mine._**

"Yes, starlight, y-yours." _Just yours._ Every nerve his body is tingling.

 **_Eeeddiie._ **He holds him, bruisingly tight and so, so softly. Their senses blur, boundaries break and the Symbiote can feel what he feels and he can feel what the Symbiote feels and already it’s nearly too much.

 _Yes._ Teeth scrape along his shoulder, just enough to draw blood, just enough for Venom to taste him. Enough to make him cry out in something that isn't fear but close to it.

**_I’m going to eat you up._ **

_Yes_.

**_Going to consume you, Eddie._ **

_Yesss._

And then he is falling over the edge, dragging the Other with him desperately.

 

* * *

 

Venom thinks, happily, that He finally has Eddie all to Himself. That he's finally gotten it through his thick skull that he could just let himself be happy, let them be happy together. Venom really, really believes it; so it catches Him off-guard when Eddie agrees to meet Maya for dinner.

**_Sweetheart…_ **

_We have to…_

**_No we don't. No one making us._ **

_No, no one can force us to do anything._ He means it, so why is he still doing this?

Eddie knows it doesn't make sense and that no good can possibly come of this, but he can't get himself to stop.

 

It doesn't go _badly_ per se. They have a nice dinner and the restaurant is gorgeous and he even thinks he looks good. But then it ends, and they go home, and he holds Venom’s hand, gently, and leads them into the shower, needlessly inviting.

 

* * *

 

It continues on like that for a while, for an achingly long time. Eddie goes out with all the nameless, faceless people and he tries, with less effort each time, to want them.

Then afterwards he goes home with the Symbiote, and none of it matters anymore. Each night and every good morning and then in the moments alone in the empty room at the company they're investigating - anytime they can find really, they're together. Have to be. Like once they've started they can't stop. Eddie'd compare it to heroine or nicotine but that isn't right; this is more like air, like he's always needed this, like he was made to need this, like the need is stitched into every cell.

It's almost a game, now. It would be fun, see how much they can stand before one of them snaps. It would be fun if it didn't feel like there are hot coals in his stomach, in their kinda-sorta shared stomach. Sometimes Venom takes over his body, makes the decision for them, on nights it gets really bad. Eddie likes those times.

Once, when they ended up in a date’s apartment for a home-cooked dinner and netflix, when whatever-his-name-was tried to kiss Eddie, the paper thin walls of the game had been torn. The symbiote had poured forth, teeth forming around Eddie’s face as Sam (Sal?) leaned in, and strong clawed hands tugging Eddie close, blackness spilling everywhere.  **“Get away from him!”** , and it was a lucky thing that the guy had immediately fainted.

 

* * *

 

 **_I want to kill them,_ ** He whispers. Eddie’s kneeling on the dust-covered wooden floor in a pose that makes it impossible not to think _worship._ His hands are bound behind his back as the Symbiote fucks him, too big to fit but who cares. **_Not to eat them,_ ** and Venom’s voice is rough, ragged. Eddie sobs. **_I want to kill them just for the violence. I want to crush their bones, Eddie. I want to drench you in their blood._ ** The image, the sensation of it, is so clear and present. He almost believes it's happening. He can feel the sanguine warmth running over him, can taste the iron and copper and death. He comes, the second time in a row, but Venom doesn't stop, just keeps stroking his tired, sore cock, keeps thrusting into him. **_I want to kill them for touching you, Eddie._ **

“Yours” he breathes it like a prayer.

 

* * *

 

It’s a cloudy day and there’s no one at the beach, just them.

The Symbiote almost, almost gloats, almost says **_‘isn’t this a date?’,_ ** but He doesn’t. He doesn’t say it when they eat together or go to the movies together or cook together. He doesn't say it in their bed, bathed in the gentle colors of want. Instead, He coalesces to nuzzle Eddie's cheek and lay them out on the sand, enjoying the strange feeling of the it. It’s new, different. Venom’s never seen a planet like this, where the air tastes of salt and of _far-away._ The two of them visit the beach often, but usually under moonlight, and usually just to looks for trouble, never to linger. Not now though, now the sky is grey and beautiful, now there is just peace and calm.

 **“Let’s go swimming, Eddie”** and He pulls him teasingly, forcefully towards the shore.

“It’ll be too cold” and he's playfully trying to wipe the goop from his skin, smile a million miles wide as he tugs (uselessly) against His grip.

**“Pussy. I’ll keep us warm”**

They splash water at one another, salty and crisp, laugh and tumble around in the waves. The Symbiote pulls them beneath the surface, and Eddie should be terrified, but how could he be when his Other is there with him?

It takes a moment before he realizes that he doesn’t even need to breath. **_See? How we can do anything?_ ** It takes a lot of work, breathing for the both of them; makes Venom hungry, but they’re sure they can fix _that._ Sex, it turns out, is a pretty good source of phenylalanine.

It’s terrifyingly beautiful when you have the time to stay and see it. The way the light finds its way, weakly, through the darkness. The way the rocks travel along the bottom, like a dance. The rumbling, soft sounds of the crashing waves. _Venom really can give me anything, can’t He?_ And then Eddie thinks, briefly, that if this was all that existed, if the rest of the world was peeled away, then this would be more than enough.

 

But it’s not all that existed.

 

* * *

 

They’re on date number fourteen now.

 **_What can she give you that I can’t?_ **Everything smells kind of like irritability. Sabrina is busy waiting in line for concessions while Eddie gets the tickets. He falters for a minute for an answer.

He starts with _normalcy_ but it's pretty clear that's never been what he wants and besides, they have their own normal, their strange domestic bliss. After a moment of buzzing, whirring thoughts, he settles on “a family”.

And he feels the Symbiote’s answer before he hears it; **_We can have a family, Eddie. A child…_**

The world goes still. Like he'd gotten used to the white noise of a box fan and then it'd been shut off and suddenly everything is _silent_ and _still_ . “w-” _we can?_

 **_Yes._ **His voice is intimate, so sincere. He can feel how Eddie trembles and He’s suddenly so aware of how delicate he is.

Later, much later, Eddie will realize he bailed on the date, left What’s-her-name with a large popcorn and probably some spurned pride. But at the time he didn't think about it even for a second, couldn't have stayed if it were life or death.

_Family…_

The idea is rough and jagged, but they smooth it over in their shared mind, like a stone beneath the tide. Eventually it finds a home, tucked next to Eddie's heart, close to were the Symbiote curls Himself then.

 

* * *

 

He says “no” the next time Wan mentions a single friend, the next time the man behind the checkout counter asks if he wants to get brunch, and the Symbiote’s almost-heart flutters.

 

Except then one night they’re on the prowl, and hear screams and follow, restless, hungry, righteous. They find themselves at a church. They save the frightened man, rip the heads off the couple of confederate-flag wielding monsters.

But the church lingers in Eddie’s half of their mind all night. He tries to cast it out or wash it away, whispers a thousand adoration and affirmations into His Other’s heart that night as they lay there, wrapped in the blankets more than in each other. His people would have called this union an abomination, and a part of Eddie, small maybe but loud and merciless, thinks these things too. Venom knows that it isn’t true, but it hurts all the same.

 

In the morning Eddie delivers a story to some gossip column ( _we need the money,_ he'd justified), and a woman offers him a donut, and he asks her to dinner.

Venom growls in the base of his skull. It’s not anger, but it throbs all the same.

 

* * *

 

Eddie’s trying his best to do the dishes, but emotions are scrambling around in his head and he breaks a second cup in half an hour. “Would you let me concentrate!” he shouts into the air. Venom spills out like a flood, just a face, just enough to be present.

 **“I’m in your head and believe me, not my fault you can’t concentrate, not my fault you’re a fucking wreck”.** His tone is biting and the room looks red and purple, like a bruise.

“Oh yeah?”

Eddie’s pulling the glass from the sink and he cuts himself. The thought passes through the Symbiote’s mind not to heal him, to let him hurt, but He washes it away, pulls the skin back together. Eddie doesn’t thank Him.

The Symbiote’s thoughts drift far away, back to His home planet (no, now He understands what _home_ should mean and that was never it). His people would have been disgusted with the two of them.

Eddie stands still, shaking with sadness and rage and pure emotion, overwhelming. Venom knows he’s feeling it too then, that same disgust. Something in Eddie’s mind says _evil_. “We’re pathetic, all tangled up in eachother. I’m pathetic”. If his words were knives he’d cut his own throat with them.

 **“You’re just like the others!”**  His body quivers with the Symbiote’s pain and his own self hatred.

“Then find a different host.”

He regrets it immediately, anger melting into sadness, into overwhelming, fucking _inebriating_  helplessness. Venom goes still, His very being falling quite, and He stares at him as his mouth falls open. A third dish smashes to the floor between them, tears on his cheeks. “I didn’t mean it, I-”

 **_Eddie…_ **and His hurt begins to seep into the physical - a dull aching lump in his throat and their guts all twisted up and maybe, _maybe_ , teeth around his heart.

Then thoughts are everywhere, then there’s no walls between them, just a mess of _I didn’t mean it please I swear I didn’t mean it_ and **_I know_ ** and **_It’s alright, Eddie. Eddie,_** and _it’s me that’s disgusting not you not you not you,_ and then, _please don’t leave me I couldn’t live without you please please please._ **_I won’t._ **

 

* * *

 

His Other seeps out of his skin as he tries to get ready, tries to make himself want to get ready. “Babe…” he sighs, want heavy in his voice. He feels, wrong. Unholy.  

 **“Please”,** and He pushes him away from the door, against the wall, and Eddie doesn’t protest, but the Symbiote can taste hesitation. **“Eddie, just stay here, with me, with us. Stay, stay”** and he lets out a moan as a clawed hand presses against his collarbone, neck.  **"Stay".**

“I want to” he whispers, voice cracked down the middle.

 **_We can. It’d be easy_ ** **,** and Venom’s already pulling from his body the clothes he’d spent too much time picking out. Eddie swallows, and the Symbiote feels it beneath His palm.

He could make them stay - could overtake Eddie’s body and keep him here, keep him to Himself, to themselves. He could, but He _wants_ Eddie to chose. Wants him to stay, to give in, to give Him his heart once and for all.

He nudges his face, feels the way his breath passes, too warm, from his pretty little mouth.

And then it wells up inside him and spills over the thin, weak border between them; it tastes wrong, like trauma, and if the Symbiote knew how to cry He would. Eddie does. Sobs wrack through him and if it weren't for his Other he would crumple on the floor. But He holds him, holds his heart together as it tries it’s hardest to break.

“We can’t keep doing this!” Eddie whimpers, words warped by emotion. For a while they just stay there - just keep a tight grip, each afraid, despite the fact that they're tied together with a cosmic knot, that the other will float away if they let go even a fraction.

Eventually the Symbiote speaks, maybe out loud but if so very, very quietly, gently; **_It isn’t wrong, Eddie. It’s just us._ **

"It is wrong!" _We’re - We can’t just isolate ourself from the world. We can’t…_

Eddie’s leaning, drained, into Him now, head resting on something like a shoulder. He wants to speak out loud, thinks it’ll make the words more real, but he can’t make the sounds; only strangled sobs and labored breathing.

 **_Why are you scared?_ **Eddie can feel His confusion, can feel the desperation laced in His thoughts. Like if He could just understand his pain, He could make it go away.  _Heal_ him, like He loves to do.  _ **Eddie, Eddie my Eddie, why are you ashamed?**_

“I’m not” he replies, hot and aggressive. They're both surprised at how _true_ it tastes. _Shame_ isn’t the right word, not quite… “I fought really hard to learn not to be ashamed of… of who I’m with…” and his mouth tastes bitter. The Symbiote struggles to get the shape of the feeling, or if not then at least the shape of the idea, even the word would be nice.

One of them digs up _catholic guilt_ but only Eddie’s mind really understands it. He rubs his eyes with his palms, almost like he’s trying to scrub away feelings. Or memories.

 **“Eddie, you’re happy when we’re together… you like it, don’t you?”** and the words bring painful feedback.

“That’s the problem!” and he struggles to keep the sobs down, utterly fails. “If - if I hated it, if it hurt, that’d be fine-” and he stops, his words hitting him. They’ve already hit the Other, and He thinks He understands now, only now, what _bleeding_ feels like. Eddie wants to take it back, but now it’s out in the open, made real, and he chokes on the presence of it.

The words don’t stop, now; they fall like a waterfall, crushing them both below. Words like “I deserve to suffer” and _If I want this, I’m disgusting._ Words like _sex_ and _hell_ and “sin”. The Symbiote gets it now, has found His way around the feeling, learned intimately it’s sharp edges. This is what has made all those cuts on Eddie’s heart, He thinks.

 

It all stops, suddenly, and Eddie picks himself up off the ground. “Can you clean me up, starshine?” he asks, voice small and emotions all drained out.

Venom wants to protest, knows he only asks because somehow he still wants to _go_ , but how can He deny him anything, now?

So He delicately, careful, stops the blood in his cheeks, washing away the blush. He pulls the tears back into his skin. He smooths out his throat til his voice is no longer harsh and raspy. Venom can’t quite manage to stop his shaking, though.

**“Eddie…”**

“Yeah… yeah I know…”

 

* * *

 

They never make it to the restaurant.

They were most of the way there, each trying their best to squish the building dread, when they heard cries. Or, well, the Symbiote heard them, muffled and terrified, and Eddie felt Him hear them, and that's kind of the same thing, right?

It’s dark, down the highway embankment on the edge of an overgrown field.

The boy is small, thin and raggedy, like he hasn’t been in from the cold in much, much to long. At first, Eddie just see’s him, almost misses the man who’d been chasing him (who was now cowering, backed against a dead tree stump). The kid is bleeding.

_The world is cruel._

 

The kid was on the run from an abusive family when he’d been picked up by this asshole. Once the man is dead, once Eddie remembered the name of the people who’d helped him once, a long, long time ago, once the boy was safe - now they sit on the roof of the dilapidated garage, waiting until help comes.

Eddie’s on edge when the car pulls up, but even from a distance he recognizes Gloria, knows she can bring the kid somewhere safe. Besides, he’d been terrified when he’d seen them, and he doesn't need any more trauma then the night had already brought him; it’s not like they could be anymore help tonight. So they watch, hidden in the shadows, never getting to be the hero to anyone but each other. It's enough, all the same.

"We saved a child…"

Venom runs His huge thumb gently over the back of Eddie’s hand, over his knuckles, draws circles on his wrist. **“Eddie -”** but He pauses a moment as he snuggles into His chest. **“If we leave now, could still get to dinner. If I drive…”** and it’s simultaneously so genuine and kind, so _I-let-you go_ and so… almost like the Symbiote’s testing him, or rubbing it in his face that he’s already failed. But Eddie just leans in.

His voice is soft, laced with exhaustion and affection. “C-could we just… stay here a little while longer?” It’s not really a question. The Other answers in a wave of reassuring contentment, of warmth, and then in a rumble of satisfied possessiveness. Eddie smiles, butterflies and wasps in his stomach.

He pulls Eddie back, and then they’re laying there on the roof, in the would-be-cold, holding each other so tight as the harshness of the world suddenly feels so present. _Why would anyone want to make this life hurt more than it already does?_

Meteors shoot overhead, and maybe Eddie remembers reading something in the paper about the leonids starting soon, or maybe the Symbiote really had pulled stars from the sky for him (He purrs at the idea). Either way, Eddie's flooded with emotion, and then with -

They share a heart, it doesn’t need saying, (but maybe it should).

“I love you”

Then it won’t stop, shouldn’t ever stop. **“I love you”,** **_I love you,_ ** “I love you! I love you” **_I love you_ ** _I love you._

They’d said it before in a thousand languages. They’d said it in eye contact and in heartbeats. They’d said it in the way Venom tenderly, carefully pulled a bullet from Eddie’s shoulder, and then again in the way He'd slaughtered everyone who’d help put it there. They’d said every time Eddie held his Other, calmed Him, as they woke from a shared nightmare about His past and planet. They’d said it in moonlight and in hand-holding, said it over and over and over in the silence as they lay together on endless nights just like this one.

But now they’ve said it in words. Now it's not just theirs but out in the world. Maybe it's stupid and human, but it changes things, for Eddie.

 

It all flows away, after that. The night is long; they stay there, drifting in and out of sleep. Just them and the cosmos. Eddie’s mind thinks 'romantic' and this time he doesn't flinch.

“I’m sorry I tried so hard to ruin this”, he rasps as they lay in eachothers arms, exhausted from loving (the word still feels so freeing, so right in Eddie’s mind). “I won’t do it again, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know -”

 **_I waited a long time to find you, a little longer wasn’t so bad._ ** Then, all confident in a way that makes his poor heart miss a beat, **_knew we’d get you in the end._ **

“Since when are you patient?” Venom's reckless, greedy, -

 **“You’re worth the wait, Eddie”** And everything feels coated in sugar and hope and we’ll-be-together-forever and then his heart skips enough that he’s pretty sure it would have stopped all together if it wasn’t for the Symbiote.

 

**_Said we aren’t boyfriends..._ **

"No, no darling I was just being stupid, I -"

He's cut off by the feeling of a black ring forming on his finger. The most beautiful he's ever seen. 

**“You were right, Eddie. We’re more like husbands.”**

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ok so! for the record I really really love all the fics where venom's like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and eddie's instantly down  
> but he was raised catholic lmao and i just... my poor baby
> 
> i cut a whole scene about fuckin in a church but im probably gonna make it into a whole other thing so!


End file.
